This morning while baking my first ever banana bread loaf, in my large knit sweater and fuzzy slippers, I listened intently as a few people shared their testimonies of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, on you-tube. I could start to feel my heart pounding harder and the pressure that comes to my cheeks when I feel a Holy Spirit cry welding up inside me and like a flood I let it flow… Tears of THANKFULNESS..
Immediately, I began to recall my life over 7 years ago, I was so “LOST”. It’s crazy how lost people don’t know they are lost or another way to see it is they’re disoriented; the ground it seems under their two feet is always nauseatingly unsteady, stirred in is fear, anxiety, lies etc. I was running from myself and I blamed everyone else for it. I didn’t know that I had no idea who I was. I was always trying to write my own story but as soon as I’d reach that goal, identity, that thing… I would end up disoriented once again.
This last week on Saturday, after having a few days off for the holiday, I made the comment to my husband that I felt restless and completely at peace at the same time. I tried to solve the reason for the feeling in my own mind justifying how busy I normally am, and how it may have become my “normal”. However no matter what I did or said to myself to justify/explain the feeling I was wrestling with, it didn’t make sense. Don’t get me wrong; I didn’t feel like I wanted to someplace else, I just felt like something was missing.
Then Sunday came, me and my handsome guys went off to church and my Pastor began to talk about Acts 16:22-26 where Paul and Silas, these men of God exercised the power of JOY in the midst of very difficult circumstances. They had just been beaten with rods, thrown into jail, and yet they did nothing wrong. However in verse 25 it says that at midnight, as Paul and Silas were praying and signing hymns of praise to God, the other (jailers) were listening….
It was in that moment that it hit me, the restlessness I was feeling was, the weeks maybe even months before the last holiday came I sort of slowly became complacent and it may have been because my life has been so incredibly amazing; God did everything He promised in my heart and in my life and He is still doing such an amazing work in me, my husband and my children, I’ve been in awe watching it all unfold; like a table set before a king. But because I grew comfortable I quit singing a joyful song and have been sort of sitting in it, trying not to blink.
I am not saying we shouldn’t rest in Him or be at peace, I am simply saying that the best place to be is in a place of THANKFULNESS, singing songs of JOY and tears of GRATITUDE. You see if it wasn’t for God and His intervention in my life, I wouldn’t have been able to celebrate thanksgiving with my family this year or pile up in my bed with my husband and two sons last night looking over hundreds of pictures and videos.
My burden here is I LOVE JESUS & I LOVE my friends and my family so much and I want them to know Him like this!! There is nothing sweeter than moments with GOD like I had this morning in my kitchen just praising HIM.
May be never stop singing a joyful song because the truth is no matter how alone you may feel in that song; “THEY ARE LISTENING” ❤
Psalm 116 1-6
I LOVE GOD BECAUSE HE LISTENED TO ME, LISTENED AS I BEGGED FOR MERCY. HE LISTENED SO INTENTLY AS I LAID OUT MY CASE BEFORE HIM. DEATH STARED ME IN THE FACE, HELL WAS HARD ON MY HEELS. UP AGAINST IT, I DIDN’T KNOW WHICH WAY TO TURN; THEN I CALLED OUT TO GOD FOR HELP! “PLEASE GOD!” I CRIED OUT. “SAVE MY LIFE”