What is a friend?

This is a question I have been asking myself the last few days. According to the dictionary a friend is:

*a person who you like and enjoy being with
*a person who gives assistance; supporter
*a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile

We have many names for our friends such as, homie, comrade, crony, confidant, bestie ally…etc

But what is a friend really?….. I swear I am loosing the hair on my head over this question!

I began to think about my history with (friends)

When I was a child my first friend was my mom, dad or sibling, grandparent
When I entered kindergarten, I was told that EVERYONE was my friend
When I entered middle school I selected my friends by my likes and dislikes, trends..
When I was in high school I labeled people as my friends based on how far they’d be willing to go with me into various curiosities
And when I married, I considered my spouse to be my best friend
when I had my first child I looked to other parents to be my friends and so on…..

Yesterday I was explaining to my kiddos a revelation I had about friends in my life and how my friends have been like seasons. Some come and go through the seasons and some are meant for only a season. The fact is we don’t decide when or how this happens, God does.

Last year the Lord (in the way He speaks to me) impressed in me that He was taking me to a new place in Him and that He was going to be pulling me away from friendships; I remember feeling very emotional and sad about it, but knowing that what He had for me was no doubt a whole lot better than what I was holding in to. He reminded me of a dream I had to year before, where I saw myself sitting in an empty classroom and in front of me was a HUGE chalk board and this incredible wind was blowing my hair back from the front of the classroom, my hair was blowing in the air. It was really intense but what I took from that was that I was going to be entering a season of teaching and learning at an incredible speed. So in obedience I prayed and cried and accepted what He had planned.

As if my life wasn’t busy enough haha (for those who know me) but suddenly I was working full time, going to school three nights a week, began to paint on canvases what the Lord was showing me in my spirit, started writing more than I’ve ever written, started teaching a life group through my church and now in the Fall will be working as a tutor at the college I attend! Phhhhewwww!!!!

I remember these moments as I would jump into my car running from A to B to C and to D and while feeling fully alive; I would sometimes have this sense of guilt like I was failing my friends by not making time to nurture the relationships…. But as quick as the pain came in, it would come out because in that moment I would hear the Lord in my heart say, “ this is my will for you in this season” and I would grieve for a moment because to be honest, I was missing my friends…. I was missing the girls nights, the dinners, the parties etc.

But then there were these incredible moments when I would be at school and I’d encounter a student and the Lord would impress for me to love on them and we’d end up having an amazing conversation or I would be home painting in the spirit and God would tell me to gift the painting to someone and that moment when I would deliver it to them and see the tears of joy in their eyes; I’d think, in that moment, “it was so worth it” or id sit with Him to pray and write the life group devotionals and while teaching the lessons; I feel the atmosphere change in the room, He shows up and people are healing in their hearts and I’m humbled by the aweee of His goodness. And now this Fall, He has opened another door to glorify Him as I will be trusted with tutoring college students and loving them through His eyes. When I look at this paragraph, I am just simply amazed!

I have come to realize that a friend is simply “one who loves”; I may not see you or talk to you every day, but when it counts and when the Lord leads I will be there. I may miss the parties and the dinners and the concerts, but when you need me, I will be there.

You see, before Christ, my heart was selfish, my heart was hurting and my heart was lost. When I surrendered my life to Him, everything inside of me came to life again! I literally felt like I was truly alive for the first time since I was a young child. I am obsessed with Jesus and my ultimate goal every day, all the time, is to love people. I don’t think I am better than anyone other than my old self before Christ. I have been given this ability to see the beauty in the ordinary and I feel like I am on this mission of love and if that means I am alone, then I am alone in the natural but in the Spirit I am with my Jesus & my advisor, the Holy Spirit.

You see friendship is many things; According to Scripture there are three possible objects of friendship: another person, God or his Son, or someone else who follows Jesus.
*The first involves human friendship based simply on common humanity with all the joys and dangers associated with it. Human friendship brings help in time of trouble ( Prov 17:17 ; 27:10 ; Luke 11:5-8 )
* advice in perplexing situations ( Prov 27:9 )
* a friend may rebuke in love, proving more faithful than a flatterer ( Prov 27:6 )
*Friends may prove false, pretending affection and loyalty from ulterior motives ( Psalm 55:12-14 ; Prov 14:20 ; Proverbs 19:4Proverbs 19:6-7 )
*A friend may put one into debt by asking security for a loan ( Prov 6:1-5 ; 11:15 ; 17:18 ; 22:26-27 )
* Friendship can break down through gossip ( Prov 16:28 ) or holding grudges ( Prov 17:9 )
*Friends may abandon one in trouble ( Psalm 38:11 ; cf. Eccl 9:10 )

So in my study I have come to realize that I have had being a friend wrong all along, as a child of God my job is to “do good to all” (Galations 6:10) Jesus encourages his followers to invite needy strangers, not friends, to their tables ( Luke 14:12-14 ), and in the parable of the Good Samaritan he extends the concept of neighbor to include anyone in need ( Luke 10:25-37 ).
I am only one person and I am not perfect (not even close) but I believe that by obedience the soil of my heart is good and my intentions are good; I simply mission to continue to conquer life with the help of my creator and simply LOVE people without offenses, expectations, rules and ties.
So my prayer today is:
I just want to be led by you Lord. Keep me where you want me Lord. Even if I can’t explain it to people and even if they don’t understand. I am safe in your hands and I trust you.

“you cant make everyone happy, you are NOT a pizza”

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Porfiria says:

    W❤️W intentional friendships, this has been the hardest for me , I know there are seasonal friends, and life time friends, I’m almost 40 and welp relationships I need ones that are solid, true honest and friendships that love God. We are to have friends close ones especially if we serve God, when I read the Bible on how God was relational and was very loving and compassionate, carried truth corrected , showed mercy and grace yea nobody is perfect, but truly it is not hard to be a true friend if we truly love God and carry his attributes and characteristics 🔥💪🏼🙌🏽🗡 I’m me and I care for the broken God is truly teaching me true friendships, this season, ❤️🙌🏽🔥


    1. Gosh, I so appreciate this response! I too have felt God teaching me to be totally transparent and steward these relationships well, he has also been challenging me to tell them things in love even if it means they get angry with me, He wants us to walk in absolute truth.


  2. To me a friend is someone that you share part of your life with. I have some friends that I have known forever, and then some I just met. I have had friends take advantage and I’ve had friends that have helped me when I’m down. Friends come and go along with lots of other things in our life. It’s just god’s way of teaching us through each friend, I always feel like I learn something new with each new friend I make, have and lose.


  3. Kathy Hageman says:

    Haha what a cute ending. A friend who sticks closer than a brother and a friend loves at all times my kind of friend!
    Good thoughts on your life, and friendship dear!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s